Shop Attack!: Art for the Anti-Camper

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4.17.13–FieldCandy Tents

What better way to go camping than in a camper van?

I’m not much of a camper. I love the outdoors, but the whole dirty / smoky / cold at night/ put on shoes to take a pee appeal of “roughing it” eludes me.

My opinion could be swayed, however, if I was invited to park my sleeping bag in the VW Camper Tent by FieldCandy. Okay, I know, it’s just a decorated tent. But my six-year-old self, the one who used to turn washing machine boxes into clubhouses me and my friends, imagines the VW Tent lined with wall-to-wall air mattresses for the most ultimate, bounce-house slumber party ever.

…Or you can take the commuter train to your campsite.

And check out the London Tube Tent! Sleeps 16 comfortably (or holds 72 standing for a “commuter” experience, as the text and diagram on FieldCandy’s website cleverly demonstrates).

Even their more modest, 2-person standard sleepers (shown in a slide show below) display the same level of exuberant humor. Somehow sleeping on the ground seems a hell of a lot more fun in one of these.

Kudos to a company that can make me, Miss Anti-Camper, have second thoughts about the Great Outdoors. They should take a crack at campsite bathrooms. That would make a believer out of me.

(photos courtesy of FieldCandy.com and Firebox.com)

For photo ops as good as the great outdoors.

Book Worm Tent by FieldCandy

Tool Shed Tent by FieldCandy

A little bit of retro sci-fi to keep the bears at bay.

Oh, how many double entendres I could say about this one! But I’ll keep my mouth shut and let you think of them.

For all you light sleepers.

Big Top Tent by FieldCandy

No, it’s not a real quilt. Yes, it’s waterproof.

Do Steampunks go camping? Well, if they do, here’s one for them.

Big Cheese Tent by FieldCandy

 

Shop Attack!: Flick My Birthday Bic

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4.10.13–Flikz Party Candles

For Those About to Age, We Salute You.

“FREE BIRD”! SING “FREE BIRD”!

(Oh, and Happy Birthday.)

(Photos courtesy of http://www.nuopdesign.com)

Shop Attack!: Intoxicated Inspiration

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4.4.13–The iPhone Bottle Opener

Have you ever tried to pop open a brewski with your iPhone, only to discover that you can’t? Sure, we all have–and it sucks. Someone ought to fix that.

Technology for the tailgating masses; the confluence of science and stupidity.

At least, that’s what the geniuses at Beaheadcase thought. Because Dude, everyone has a smartphone, and Dude, everyone likes to party, right? And, thus, the iPhone Bottle Opener Case was created.

To the inebriated mind, a phone case and a bottle opener go together like nachos and cheese. Or poker and naked chicks. To those of us who don’t drink, however, the coupling of the two seems to make about as much sense as a flask shaped like a baby bottle. (And you know somebody’s already created that, too.)

But this item isn’t just a bottle opener, and it isn’t just a phone case. Oh, no. This is an iPhone, after all. This little piece of plastic technology keeps track of the number of bottles you’ve opened, and where you’ve opened them, and it keeps a running tally for each location, and it plays music every time you open a bottle, and it flashes a picture of your choice (like you projectile vomiting, maybe?), and (best of all) it sends out a Tweet to all of your friends every time you pop a bottle cap.

So basically, your drunken antics won’t just annoy everyone within eye and ear shot, they can now annoy every human being you know, unfettered by time or space. Quantum boozing, if you will. Science is fuckin’ amazing.

And apparently there is more than just one inebriated fan of Neil Degrasse Tyson. While researching this product, I was surprised to find a whole slew of Phone Bottle Openers–some of them even more advanced than the one above. You can see a gallery of various devices by clicking here.

So forgive me, all you binge-drinking, twenty-something garage inventors. It seems that you’re the ones who will be building the ship that propels us into the future.

Just make sure it opens a beer, too.

Can an iPhone really calculate the rate that your liver is rotting? Yes. It does that.

Shop Attack!: Baby Mama-Aaahhhhh!

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3.27.13–Baby Carrier Jacket

As if having your child attached to your hip isn’t bad enough.

Proof of yet another great idea that, once created, isn’t so great after all. My first impulse when I saw the Baby Carrier Jacket was to scream with fright. C’mon, Moms: Your baby burst forth from your body just a scant few months ago; do you really want to freak us out by recreating the moment Alien-style?

Yes, we know that Moms everywhere long for the use of both hands; and isn’t it cute how Baby is all swaddled and warm? But do you really want Baby’s memory imprinted with the all the horrified expressions on strangers’ faces as they stare at his angelic smile planted on the middle of your chest?

Please. Do us, yourself, and Baby’s future psyche a favor: Turn your jacket around and wear it papoose-style.

Thank you.

Shop Attack!: Pizza Cutters

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3.24.13–Pizza Cutters a la Mode

Beam me up, Luigi.

My last post about the horrifying Pizza Cone got me thinking about another pizza product that’s a little less retchifying. (And yes, that’s a word. I know, because I just made it up.)

Pizza cutters. Namely: over the top, over-designed, so-cute-you-might-hurt-yourself pizza cutters.

Like the tea infusers that I wrote about ages ago, clever pizza cutters seem to be the mode du jour kitchen item for the hipster cook. This trend has been going on for a while, and it seems to be reaching a fever pitch. At the trade shows I attended in January, I saw so many pizza cutters, I wondered if there was some kind of inside joke that I just wasn’t getting. Or maybe market studies show that the average American’s favorite meal is pizza–and freshly brewed tea.

Whatever the reason, I suggest that you grab some dough and toppings, fire up the oven, and choose a cutter that most suits your personality. ‘Cause these babies don’t seem to be going anywhere.

Bon appetit.

(Note: A lot of the newest cutters that I saw at the shows were just samples that  haven’t hit the market yet. But here are some that you buy now at your favorite local gift shop. (And if they don’t have it, ask. I’m sure they’d like to get it for you.))

Best used, I think, when cutting pizza for kids. Or for really immature people. Like me. I love it.

If you’re going to go all Euro and eat your pizza with a fork, why not use a knife too? (And watch out for your lip, bub.)

Admit it: You usually resort to scissors. So do I. That’s why I’d probably buy this cutter above all the others. (And the nifty spatula part comes in handy too.)

This seems like a good idea–but what happens if your pizza is a little too big? (Also, it looks like a pain in the butt to store.)

Why didn’t they put batteries in this? A battery-powered pizza saw would have been so cool. That’s why I think.

Dear Pizza Pi Cutter: Your smug wit makes me think of those nerds who purposely talk over people’s heads. Yeah, we get it. Ha ha.

I’m afraid there isn’t a pizza good enough for this cutter.

Whoa. Careful your testosterone doesn’t drip all over the food, now.

I blogged about the Scooter Cutter ages ago, but this post would not be complete without it. Still a favorite!

Shop Attack!: The Pizza Cone

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3.22.13–Duuude: The Pizza Cone

The Pizza Cone. Hold the cherry, please.

If the Pizza Cone could make a sound, it would be “Duuuuude…”, followed by Jeff-Spicoli-like laughter.

I marvel that a coiled piece of wire can so immediately speak of the 30-something perpetual single guy (even when he’s married), enjoying a Saturday afternoon watching football and playing video games with his bro-friends. And though my own ears may fall deaf to the dulcet, cheese-oozing tones of the Pizza Cone, I am deeply impressed by its laser-guided target marketing.

“As Seen on TV” kitschiness aside, to our bro-friends (and their wives) the pizza hand roll (or cone, as it’s marketed, because these guys don’t eat sushi) is not only novel, it’s functional: No need to let go of game controls (or beer bottle) when you’re downing your pizza in a tidy, two-bite toot.

Admittedly, I am the super-minority who’s immune to the lure of this product–I didn’t need the 50,000+ views and 200 likes of its promotional YouTube link (below) to tell me that. (The less-than-enthused product-demo lady may secretly be my sister-in-arms, however.) And I don’t hate the Pizza Cone; I think it’s just the mental marriage of pizza and ice-cream cones that throws me off.

But have at it, kids. Enjoy your meaty-cheesy-doughy treat. And let me know how it tastes with whipped cream.

Shop Attack!

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3.18.13–Strangely A-Peeling:
Sharkbanana and the Banana Case

Weirdness can take on a variety of forms, even among wildly disparate items that share a similar design bent. This is what makes retail so great, and endlessly fun.

Case in point: the Sharkbanana and the Banana Case.

The Truly Weird Sharkbanana

The Sharkbanana only prowls the infinite depths of the world-wide web, it seems. You can buy one on Amazon, but the manufacturer’s site is a primitive one-pager, with no explanation as to why we have a shark stuffed into a banana and how exactly it came to exist. In short, this fruit-wrapped predator remains as elusive and mysterious as its real-life counterpart.

Ambiguous origins aside, the sheer cuteness of this perplexing plush is what’s making me write about it. There’s an overabundance of ironically unusual toys for uber-hip parents and their kids, but a lot of them seem forced and formulaic, like they’re trying too hard. The Sharkbanana, on the other hand, seems exuberant in its oddness. I’ll take a whole bunch, please.

The Fussily Functional Banana Case (photographed at Broome Street General Store, Silverlake)

The Banana Case, on the other hand, is the must-have appliance for the dysfunctionally over-functional. I reveled in the sheer fussiness of the oversize plastic fruit sheath—heaven forbid there should be a bruise on the lunchtime banana!—and sent out sympathetic thought waves to the poor little kid whose micro-managing mom put this in his brown bag.

The katakana on the label brings it all home: Only the Japanese, with their incredible inventiveness (and love of perfectly unblemished fruit), would have created such a functionally useless gadget. (For more such strangeness, be sure to pick up the book, The Big Bento Box of Unuseless Japanese Inventions at your local independent bookseller.)

Note: If you’re in Los Angeles, be sure to visit Broome Street in Silverlake, a gorgeous gift shop / coffeehouse with a deliciously unique ginger latte (and the banana case!). Cheers, Charles Phoenix, for turning me on to the place!

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3.12.13–The Hunny Bunny Honey Bottle

The Hunny Bunny Honey Bottle by Gama-Go

There isn’t a person in my age group (and probably other age groups as well) who isn’t nostalgic about the honey bear bottle. That golden-hued bruin became so synonymous with delicious sweetness in our collective childhood memory that the sight of one fills us with endorphine-infused pleasure to this very day. It’s conditioned response at its finest; something I’m surprised that more companies haven’t picked up on.

The Hunny Bunny in Action

Gama-Go did, bless their perceptive souls. It’s a no-brainer that folks like myself would love the Hunny Bunny. Not only is it a great wink wink, nudge nudge homage to our sacredly scrumptious Honey Bear, it’s also an adorably cute design suffused with hipster modern style, right down to the carrot-shaped drizzler.

I don’t know which I like more: the item itself, or the company, for being intelligent enough to know that riffing on a beloved favorite would create a favorite product.

Or maybe it’s just got me craving honey. Think I’ll go make some tea now.

(Photos courtesy of http://www.gama-go.com)

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2.28.13–Non-Skid Nature: Tub Mats

Lawn Tub Mat by Decor Craft

Goldfish Tub Mat by Decor Craft

Pebble Tub Mat by Decor Craft

Rubber Ducky Tub Mat by Decor Craft

When I see tub mats, I usually think of:

A. My Grandmother’s House; or,
B. Cheap Motels.

(not that one is related to the other in any way.)

I know that most injuries happen at home, and that they usually occur in the bath. But I also know that those depressing grey-white rubber rugs, with God knows what lurking underneath, never fail to give me the heebie-jeebies.

Which is why these tub mats are so brilliant, and such a simple idea, it’s surprising that no one has thought of it before. They may not be any more hygienic than traditional tub mats, but they’re a heck of a lot prettier–and I’d rather sit my bum on a bevy of cheerful goldfish any day.

Happy bathing.

Shop Attack!

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2.20.13–Bluetooth Phone Glove

Bluetooth Phone Glove by Hi-Fun

The weather may be getting warmer, but hands-down (or hands-up?), the Bluetooth Phone Glove is still the coolest product of the season.

It took some genius at the Italian company Hi-Fun to come up with the simplest of concepts: Put a speaker in the pinky of a glove, and an earpiece in the thumb, and you’ve got a device that’s not exactly hands-free, but will definitely keep your digits warm–and make you the center of pedestrian attention.

This little knit marvel also has the advantage of being the Great Equalizer: When you use it, the only thing differentiating you from the average street kook is your phone.

Think about it. And make sure there’s someone on the line before you talk to the hand.