Day 9: The Super Star Wars Gift ‘Stravaganza!
Whoa–looks like Yoda is pretty excited about the impending holiday. Careful where you point that thing, old man.
Everybody knows at least one person who’s really, really into the Star Wars movie franchise. Or, if you’re like me, you know more than one of these types (henceforth called the Star Wars Nerd, or SWN for short). In fact, my sister, brother-in-law and niece are all Star Wars Nerds. (My sister’s wedding dress was fashioned after Princess Amadala’s handmaidens’ outfits, and the wedding topper on their launchpad-themed cake was a pair of Star Wars action figures.) I love them–and their beautiful obsession–dearly.
It isn’t easy shopping for the aforementioned Nerd. They’ve been huge fans most of their lives, so they already own most of the commonplace stuff, and naturally their tastes have refined with age. Herewith, I bring you some of the more unique Star Wars products available, for every Star Wars Nerd on your list.
May the shopping Force be with you.
For Grandma: At-At Senior Citizen Imperial Walker
Star Wars Nerds come in all ages. In fact, the greatest SWN of all–Jedi Master Nerd George Lucas–is pushing 70 himself. Indulge the Nerdiness–and neediness–of their advancing years with the At-At Senior Citizen Imperial Walker. Using this will make Gran feel powerful, invincible and cool–and when Disney starts releasing the new Star Wars movies, it’ll make standing in the hours-long lines so much easier. Gran may even be able to storm-troop her way to the front of the line with this thing, she’ll be so admired. My advice: be sure to be her escort for such outings.
For Grandpa: Admiral Akbar Singing Bass
I simply don’t know what to say about this. The item speaks for itself–literally. It dances to the Cantina song and utters Akbar’s famous line, “It’s a trap!”.
Grandfathers were the only folks who found the original singing bass amusing, so I can only assume it’s the AARP-aged SWN’s who would like this. But if you’ve got one of those on your list, be sure to get them one of these.
For Mom: Chocolate Death Star
You’ll need to use the Force to destroy this chocolatey evil confection that contains gooey fudge and cherries–if it doesn’t destroy you first with a sugary serotonin overload. But for most moms when it comes to chocolate, Strong, the Force is, as Yoda would say. Let the battle begin.
For Dad: R2D2 Barbeque Grill
Grill up some bantha meat in real style with this amazing R2D2 Barbeque. Dad will be the envy of every male SWN in the galaxy when they get a load of this. (Spoiler alert: After falling in love with this piece, I discovered that it’s a one-off by a guy named Philip Wise. I generally focus only on mass-produced products, not fan creations, but I posted it anyway because I think any man who wields his welder like a lightsaber could create one pretty easily. So consider it a DIY barbeque customization kit.)
For Hubby: Jedi Bathrobe
Your bleary-eyed man will look powerful and wise as he shuffles out of the bathroom in the morning, and his silence can be construed as deep thought, and not the fact that he would’ve still been asleep had you not kicked him awake to make him turn off the alarm. This semblance of knowledge and strength might find you newly attracted to your snoring, drooling, sleep-disheveled old man–and you both may find yourselves late for work…..
For Wife: R2D2 Bra
I don’t know if this product is geared towards female Star Wars Nerds, or for the male SWNs who consider cute robotic boobies a real turn-on. Either way, it’s a hoot(er). And something only a true Star Wars Nerd would want.
For the Man on the Dark Side: Darth Vader Slippers
“Luke, I am your footwear….”
For the Newest Little Nerd: Yoda Knit Beanie
Man, I love making babies look silly. And this product is so perfect, since most infants look like Yoda anyway.
For the Littlest Rebel: Tauntaun Hobby Horse
There’s something kind of charming about the oldest and most basic of children’s toys being given a modern (albeit licensed) twist. Star Wars Nerd that I’m not, I would buy one for a little Nerd. Letting kids play games that use their imagination sure beats having them sit like lumps in front of a Playstation 3, at any rate.
For Rover: At-At Walker Costume
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You’re killing me. I can’t stop laughing. This takes the cake. Ha ha ha ha ha….. (Making pets look silly is even more fun than mocking babies.)
For the Man Who Has Everything: Han Solo in Carbonite Desk
I don’t know if I’d be deeply impressed by the coolness of the Executive that sat behind this desk, or intimidated by the implied message. Or maybe I’d just be fascinated by the desk; it lights up and everything. One thing for sure: I’m pretty sure I’d leave wanting to see this guy’s toy collection.
For the Nerd Who Lives on Hoth (or Fargo, ND): Wampa Ice Scraper
The fun they’ll have with this nifty ice scraper will keep them from wondering why in the world they’re living in such a Godforsaken cold place when they don’t have to. And hey, at least their arms will be warm, even if the rest of their bodies aren’t.
For the Scary Nerd Who’s Taken the Fantasy One Step Too Far: Star Wars Gun Targets
Keep this guy away from me.
For the “Fashion-Forward” Star Wars Nerd: Chewbacca Jacket
You might think they look like they’re wearing the family pet, but there’s no denying that this furry Chewbacca Jacket, complete with bandolier, will keep them warm in the cold holiday season. When they’re tired of looking like an outerspace Bigfoot, they can flip the jacket inside out to display a fur-free interior with the discrete Rebel Alliance logo sewn on the chest. (For the less fashion-forward and fuzzy-minded, there’s a more modest X-wing Pilot version.)
For All-Night Star Wars Movie Marathons: Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
You’ll be just as warm as Luke was on the icy planet Hoth when you curl up inside your very own tauntaun sleeping bag. (Check out the printed guts on the lining!) Let’s just hope it’s a bit drier than Luke’s night in a tauntaun was. And little less gooey.
For the Star Wars Nerd Family: Star Wars Family Car Stickers
Proof that Star Wars Nerds can be every bit as annoying as all the other people who advertise their procreative bliss on the backs of their vehicles. (Where did this weird practice come from, anyway?) Comes in a variety of themes to suit your family’s characteristics. Or completely screw with everyone’s heads by mixing and matching.
For the Star Wars Home: Lightsaber Candlestick
No elegant Star Wars Nerd home is complete without one of these scaled-down replicas of Darth Vader’s lightsaber sitting on the dining room table. This is a serious product that’s chrome-plated and comes nicely gift boxed. The base of the candlestick even screws off for a “more authentic look and feel”. Geez. Maybe I shoulda bought a pair of these for my sister and brother-in-law’s wedding gift.
For the Homemaker: Han Solo in Carbonite Ice Tray
Even I, not a big Star Wars fan, would be deeply impressed to be served a drink with one of these cubes floating in it. ‘Course, I think I’d be too mesmerized by the sight of Han Solo slowly melting to actually drink anything. But that’s beside the point. I’d still dig it. (Side note: I have I feeling that the crafty person who created the Han Solo iPhone cover that I blogged about used this mold to make it. Not that it matters; the phone cover is still really damn cool.)
The Star Wars Christmas Round-up: or, Somehow, I Think We’ve Gone Off Message
Star Wars Storm Trooper Snowflake
Star Wars R2D2 String Lights
Star Wars Yoda Christmas Tree Topper
Really? Someone would hang this from their tree? No. Really??
George Lucas thanks you for making his seasons bright–and lucrative. And I thank you for looking. Merry Intergalactic Holidays.
(Footnote: In all of my dedicated hunting, I could not find one JarJar Bix item. Guess he’s too awful to even parody. And where’s the love for C3PO?)